Norwegian Wood film because IT'S KEN'ICHI!!

I don't have any intention of watching the film since I saw there is one. But after I finished the book, I feel like I need to talk to someone about it. When I found out that in the film, Ken'ichi Matsuyama plays Toru Watanabe's role, I FANGIRLED. He is L in movie adaptation of Death Note, and he looks very cute! He has this puppy eyes that makes him look so innocent, which made me very curious about the film.... Ken'ichi, playing the role of a clueless jerk who sleep around with girls?! Doing erotic stuff?!! Definately a must see.

  Don't worry, Toru. You're forgiven, though you raped her... actually.

 

So I downloaded a copy, watched it, and did not like it.
What can I say? I think the casting is good. Though Ken'ichi looks so innocent (even in sex scenes), I believe he can look more sexy and aggressive to make me think he likes what he's doing but IT'S AWKWARD!
Naoko's actress somehow got her character right. She looks realistic and faithful to the novel. Her soft voice and walking round and round makes me think she's really depressed. BUT her scene where she was... um, I think I don't need to say it.... was awkward. She also somehow looks innocent to do such thing. Then there's Midori! Midori's actress is also Mikasa on Attack on Titan movie. She's very pretty, but I don't like her acting. SHE'S ALWAYS SMILING! EVEN WHEN SHE'S ANGRY WITH TORU! I can rant about her all day. She deliver erotic lines without any emotion or even a try to make it funny or erotic. Her father doesn't look dying. And she also looks too innocent to be a "sexually-liberated young woman". Reiko is also a character I like in the novel, BUT they didn't even try to emphasize her! The reason why she slept with Toru made her look like a cougar, and she's not cool looking! She looks so sweet and motherly, but not cool! Reiko is cool, chain-smoker with a little messy hair, that's what I picture in mind. I really think reading the novel made me dislike the movie. There are less narration, too much image, the events are quite dragged, and the feeling of loneliness is not emphasized. The novel sure is erotic, but will leave you lonely. The movie seemed to try to balance the erotic and lonely theme, but ends up not giving any remarkable feeling.

Norwegian Wood

I've read some reviews first before reading Norwegian Wood. I never thought I'll ever read it. I hate PDFs. I don't want to buy the book like I did with Kafka on the Shore. I thought 'maybe I'll buy it', so I read some reviews just to know if it's worth buying unlike Kafka (I regret buying Kafka). I noticed something while reading the reviews: most of people who liked Kafka on the Shore and The Wind-up Bird Chronicle hates Norwegian Wood and Sputnik Sweetheart. I thought maybe they are more into the fantasy stuff, since Kafka is so Fantasy for me. I'm not into that genre, to be honest. I like realistic, tragic and melancholic things. So I thought I'll read this book, even in PDF.
The first pages actually got me. I might be that kind of person that can be moved to tears easily, but it really got me. The narrator is Toru Watanabe, telling his story back when he was in his 20s. Toru is a jerk. Literally. A wanker, that is. But I really find the story most sincere among his works I've already read. For me, it's the most realistic so far. I've read bad reviews about it. I agree that most of the male characters are wankers trying to be cool, and the girls are quite needy and desperate. But that's what makes it realistic for me. Our country is not really that sexually liberated and many people here still value virginity, but believe it or not, there are needy, depressed girls in real world.Anywhere. There are wanker, assholes boys who thinks girls are just sex toys who doesn't even need to be named. And those people have reasons. Maybe stupid reasons, but still, they have. I believe I knew someone like Nagasawa- he likes sex, thinks he's smart and mighty, logical and working hard to get what he wants, that's why I find him very realistic and unlikable. The way he hurt Hatsumi is very realistic too. And not everyone in the novel needs to be liked. You can even hate them. But Murakami has his way with words. I read almost half of the book for months because I can't stand reading in PDF, after a few months, our school library got a copy of the book so I borrowed it right away (apparently, they collect Murakami's novels). So I continue to read.
Naoko is clearly a depressed person. It might be hereditary, but she's obviously depressed over Kizuki's death. And Toru raped her without even knowing what he has done. I might say that Nagasawa effectively influenced him, but he already slept with his ex-girlfriend back in highschool, so it's no excuse- he's a pervert. He knows Naoko doesn't love him, that she still loves Kizuki, but he still forced his self on her. Even though she did some sexual favors for him back in the asylum, I still think that a part of her doesn't want to forget about Kizuki. But she tried to pretend to have plans with Toru. But in the end, she proved that she was violated, and I felt like she hates Toru, or doesn't feel anything for him. Meanwhile Toru, who decided that he loves Midori, though he's not sure enough, feels sorry and still loves Naoko. That was the part where I felt sorry and mad at him. He's stupid for saying that he loves Midori, while it's also the most perfect decision. The other characters I also feel sorry for is Reiko and Hatsumi. Hatsumi is such a stupid girl, falling inlove with Nagasawa. And what's more stupid is that she remained with him though she knows he doesn't want any commitment. I think Nagasawa doesn't realize that he needs someone like Hatsumi yet, but even after she died, it felt like he's still an asshole not realizing anything. He's the kind of person who realizes something after it's too late. About Reiko, as I read her back-story, it's quite suspenseful. She lost everything she had just because of a single person. And she can't take it back.
After Naoko died, I also really felt sorry for Toru. His travel reminded me of Takemoto from Honey and Clover, but in the end, he's still empty (Takemoto, on the other hand, just felt lonely, but quite fulfilled). I felt sorry he fell inlove with Naoko. That he declared love for Midori. That he felt empty and lost.
What I really liked is that he just traveled without direction, without knowing where he was, without anything in mind but his grief. I can even relate to him sometimes, the way he want to choke the fisherman just because he's telling him about his dead mother. I feel that way sometimes, like, when I have a problem and want to talk about it or just be quiet with a person, then he'll start talking about himself without thinking how I feel. But I also do that sometimes to others, so I realize I'm also wrong, then my anger will be gone.

That book really made me more frustrated and sad, but I like it. I like it very much. I felt better after finishing it. Good thing Naoko was gone, her body, her beauty and misery all became ashes that left Toru in despair. It reminded me of a line from Ando Yuko's song, Wasuremono no Mori

"The footprints that you left scattered
Are even now
Nothing
And I, who am left alone
Right now, am a rootless person"
In the end, the dead will remain dead. But the living needs to keep on living in the shadows of misery and despair of losing someone.
I liked that he can't reach out to Midori (I don't hate Midori, but I don't feel like I like her so much, but I also feel a little sorry for her). I like that he's alone in the crowd in the end, but also feel sorry for him I almost cried.
To sum it all, the book is really erotic and gives this somewhat lonely feeling. Like most of Murakami's books. I also felt like it's his autobiography, and I'm glad to know it's not. I hate to know someone as depressed as Toru.

Maksim Mrvica- I can't pronounce his name

My only memory of Maksim was that I saw his concert on TV when I was around 8 or 7. I can't barely recall when was that, but I remember he's that punk-looking pianist who played "The Flight of the Bumble-bee" with amazingly fast fingers (I never heard the original piece, only Maksim's, I can't even hum it, but I always know I'll remember it once I hear it again). Heard the original (I think?) from a video posted by my boyfriend, and I knew it was Bumble-bee! So I searched for Maksim's video where he played that. I can still remember his hand, not much his face, for it's accessorized with punk-looking bracelets, which I thought back when I was young, is not a very good thing to wear when you're playing instruments. But since I saw him that way, I thought it's not impossible, for he even have his own concert!

 Croatian Rhapsody- The sound of awesome

 I dreamed of learning to play the piano in Goth-punk outfit and dark make-up. Now that I'm older, I found out that wearing too much goth-punk fashion on the street is quite a hassle. But I still like it. So, now, as I listened to Maksim, I got curious about his personal life. He's quite handsome too, now that I notice his face. Found out his birthday is just a day advance mine! AND HE'S NOW FORTY!! Usually, I find older guys handsome but, I think his handsomeness' peak was back at that concert with the bumble-bee. But he still looks awesome and cool. I tried to listen to his other originals.... Claudine.

I regret it.

I regret that I've listened to his music.
For my headphones are broken and I can't play a whole playlist of his music to school. His "Claudine" is like a modern Chopin. It's very beautiful, with a touch of sorrow. I wonder what was he thinking while composing such beauty?

Welcome to the Fight Club!

I watched Fight Club last 3 weeks ago, I really want to watch that film since my Psych Professor said it's his favorite movie, I was thinking "'is it about fighting? From a Psych professor? Thought he's more into behavior stuff..." so, it was written by Chuck Palanhiuk, his favorite author. When you watch it, you'll know it's Chuck, the way the character talks, how busy his mind thinking of next witty phrase he can get (well... it's witty and I like it) and surprisingly, Helena's acting is good. She's a perfect picture of disturbed, depressed and destitute hobo. The story is exciting and has a twist, of course, and makes you wanna cut someone's balls.
Well, the story is not really just about fighting, but a week after watching that movie, I got sick for four days. Having flu is not good. It makes you feel so weak, your bones ache, you feel dizzy and nauseatic, and all your plans are ruined. I lost a chance for a very important appointment and amazingly, I lost 5kg of my weight! In just four days! I thought it was a good thing, but as I look at myself, I'm so thin. I gained back 2kg of my weight, but I'm still underweight that makes me unqualified to donate blood (it's my dream to donate blood). I realize how weak am I. Someone can just grab me and break my bones one by one with bare strength. I thought I was powerful, that I can even knock out a grown-up man. Suddenly, my bloodlust tried to resurface. I want to punch someone. Someone who will fight back. Someone who is aggressive enough to fight me back without being intimidated by my delinquent eyes. It's not necessarily someone who I can beat, it must be someone worth fighting! I badly need to prove my strength! I'm going to start a fight club!
But again, I realized, I need to finish my thesis. And I'm too lazy for bloodlust. The beast must hide again.
I'm not going to start a fight club anytime soon.

Things that you will always find on Philippine drama

Damsel in distress
kidnapping
jail
severe sickness
poor vs rich (which is always like good vs evil)
sexual assault
robbery
politician
love triangle/ third party/ mistress
amnesia
lost/unwanted child who will grow up in slums then will become a businessman




(And.... they wonder why I don't watch TV.)
Take, for example, that show every noon: The Half Sisters. I hate listening to it (I hate watching it, but someone left the TV on). The stupidity of the characters is quite amusing in so many ways I can't even describe.

But it doesn't mean that every Filipino is unimaginative, stupid and repetitive. If you are familiar with "Misteryo sa Tuwa", you'll know that poor people are not always good, but are also human who needs money, and women are not always stupid and powerless (ooh~ that's so feminist!). And there are many indie movie writers (and artists) in the Philippines who knows that not everyone in the crowd is stupid.

I'm  inlove with Kuvira right now.

Ang Huling Tulang Naisulat Nya Para Sayo

Ang Huling Tulang Isusulat Ko Para Sayo ni Juan Miguel Severo, isang mag-aaral ng Sikolohiya, sa pagkakaalam ko.
Psst! Pankinggan mo, may sinulat sya para sayo. (Binigkas nya na rin, para mas maunawaan mo)
Ang Huling Tulang ito, hayag naman sa pagkakasambit, ay patungkol sa taong kanyang iniibig. Umibig ka na ba? Marahil oo. Pero nasaktan? Iniwan? Ginamit lang? Umasa? Malamang naranasan mo na rin. Totoong di katanggap-tanggap, dahil ang gusto mo lang ay ibigin ka rin, gaya ng pag-ibig mo sa kanya.
Wala nang ibang mas interesante pang talakayin bukod sa pag-iisip ng tao. (pero inaamin ko, interesante rin ang mga lamang-dagat. SEAFOODS!) At laging napag-uusapan, ang opinyon ng tao pagdating sa pag-ibig. Napaka-importante ng Pag-ibig. Karamihan pa nga sa mga kabataan ngayon ay isinasakripisyo ang pag-aaral, ang hirap ng magulang, para sa pag-ibig na romantiko. Pero di lahat ay matagumpay. Isa na nga d'yan malamang si Juan Miguel Severo.
Sa aking pananaw, inilabas nya lamang ang kanyang nararamdaman. Ibinulalat lahat ng di nya maipaliwanag na damdamin sa Huling Tula na iyan, para sa taong kanyang iniibig. Pero sa tingin mo, iyan na nga kaya ang huling tula na maisusulat nya para sa taong iyon? Kung totoong inibig nya sya, malamang ay hindi pa iyan ang huli, o kung iyan man, ay di na sya susulat pang muli. Emosyon ang langis na nagpapagana sa makina ng malikhaing isipan. At kapag ito'y napagana, tiyak na mahirap nang bitiwan.

Pero realtalk: di ako fan ng "ginamit nya lang ako" theme. Ang gusto kong mga tula, yung nalulungkot dahil pinaghiwalay sila ng kamatayan (tulad ng 'Babang Luksa' ni Diosdado Macapagal). Pakiramdam ko kasi, di ko kayang magmahal ng taong di ako mahal. Maraming tao sa buong mundo na posibleng mahalin mo at mas mahalin ka. Kung ayaw nya na sakin, isang tadyak lang sa balls, ok na :3

Murakami's After Dark: It's always darkest before the dawn

I never thought I’ll read another Murakami book. Kafka on the Shore was…. (I can’t say anything than curse words for that, don’t know why, but I’ll write something about it later)

I was really planning to read After Dark since I saw it on our school library, like, maybe a year (or two) ago- back when I was fangirling over Kafka on The Bookstore (because I was just planning to buy it). After I finished that abominable book, I never felt like reading Murakami again, and the copy of After Dark was gone on our library’s shelf, so I have no choice but to read Palahniuk, my Psych Professor’s favorite (the title was “Tell-All”… never really finished that one). But last Tuesday, miraculously, the After Dark book just found a way back to the shelf where it belongs! COOL! Whoever did read that for almost two years?! Checked the card to know who borrowed it, and it was just last December! 2014! The book took me only almost 25 hours to finish! It’s just a thin book!

Well, so I’ll go straight to what I read… It’s about a mysterious, almost omnipresent camera (no, maybe not omnipresent because it’s present on one place at a time, and is also the narrator) that watches the city, the busy crowd, and then a girl named Mari. She’s spending a night in a family restaurant, reading. Probably she’s planning to stay there until dawn, but an acquaintance of her sister came and recognized her. They just talked to each other about anything, mostly about Mari’s older sister- Eri, who is asleep, and ‘refuse to wake up’ as her sister thought. But then the camera checked on Eri, who is mysteriously transported to a different place. She woke up in the middle of the night just to find herself in a very strange place, into nothingness. Then she’s transported back to her room. While Mari and Takahashi (Eri’s acquaintance) talks, a lot of other things happened in the city that’s supposed to be sound asleep. A young girl is violated, another girl trying to hide from something, a man getting rid of evidences, reflections left on mirrors, bars playing jazz music and Curtis Fuller’s ‘Five Spot After Dark’ playing in my head.

I don’t think I fell in love with the book, but I still find it worth reading (and I’m also a fan of Suga Shikao, but I can't help my eyes finding errors: 'Ringo Juice' is translated as 'Bomb Juice'! WHAT THE HELL!). It is indeed dreamy, but a little horrifying, to know that some things like that really happens while our eyes are closed.The story felt like a painting by Salvador Dali, realistic but dreamy. It’s like a tour in the middle of the night, the time when ghosts are supposed to appear.

Music you can ask for

If you ever plan on having an original composed music just for you, but can't do the notes, or want to have your new RPG or Visual Novel an awesome soundtrack or background music, then THIS guy is absolutely what you're lookin' for!
I worked with him for more than 2 years now, Johnathan Johnson is your modern JoJo. He compose music, writes fantasy novels, rants about anime and movies, expresses his views in feminism and codes his own visual novels and RPGs! Not to mention this guy's punctuality is unparalleled, (I'm waaaay no match to this guy!) and most of all, his music is AFFORDABLE. But he sure doesn't compromise on quality! Try him- pretty sure you'll be back for more! 

You can check out his Tumblr here!

Open up your bloody heart!

Opening up my heart…. Is not something easy to do, specially if it’s written. That’s why I really admire writers- those people who can express their feelings in words, making it easier for people to understand. How do writers do it? Like, if they are lonely, they can relate their loneliness with other things such as lumps of metals, or if they’re inlove, it’s like they’re in a middle of a storm or something, while I, when I want to ask someone for an interview, always end up sounding rude or stupid?!

Expression-  is something, I think, that should be taught in schools. I heard there’s even a problem with males who are finding it hard to get a wife just because they are afraid they will be rejected! Hey, that’s not even just a problem with expression, but also with confidence! Man up, man!

Wow, typing this is really my way to tell you I’m trying to express myself. Yes, I want to be heard! But I still like it to be more artistic… something that will make me transfer how I feel to others- that the making of a good literature for me. Even if it’s just a person ranting about nonsense, expressing wrong opinion or immorality, if it can grip me into reading it and keep on going, then it’s really a great self expression.

And it can be dangerous.

My First Love - Haruki Murakami's 'Sputnik Sweetheart'

 “It made her think of Laika, the dog. The man-made satellite streaking soundlessly across the blackness of outer space. The dark, lustrous eyes of the dog gazing out of the tiny window. In the infinite loneliness of space, what could Laika possibly be looking at?” 

Ever heard of Haruki Murakami?
I never did four years ago. And never will if it wasn't for my former school and unembellished apartment. It was that kind of lifestyle where I can do almost everything I want, but find it rather useless.
My roommate was a messy bisexual (messy not just in our room, but also in her relationships) who was also my co-worker. Everytime she smokes makes me leave the room instantly, good thing there's a lounge where there's a bookshelf with old relics- the old notebooks owned by our landlord's children, old japanese fashion magazines, old travel magazines, old medical books, ah... everything's old in that shelf as I scan for something worth reading, then I saw something eyecatching.... a naked japanese lady on a pocketbook cover! Wow! Instantly fell for it. Haruki Murakami... Is that a girl's name? That was my thought as I read the plot on the back cover... hm.... lesbians, something my roomie would like. Might give this a try so I can understand her a little, I thought.
So I just read the book while on class, while at work, in my room while my roomie is flirting with her girlfriend. The large fonts makes reading it easier. I think I finished it in just a week (was my fastest since I'm working full time and studying part-time. I hate reading fast!) and find myself slowly falling inlove with it. I read many novels before, not quite a lot but sure more than five, and it's the first time I fell inlove with a novel. I don't really know why, the story is quite simple and might not make such impressions to others. Even the narrator, who is in love with the leading lady is not trying to be remembered since his real name is not even revealed! (he is only known as "K".... maybe he's Kyon?!) But something about Murakami's writing induces the emotion I really love in a story.... loneliness.
Yes, loneliness. It's about a girl who just found out she's a lesbian after falling inlove with an older lady, and confiding it to her friend (K) who is actually inlove with her but is to shy to tell (but not too shy to commit adultery with his student's mom). Sounds promising, eh? Something that I though will end in a common "pocket book" manner like a happy ending or just full of drama and such. But I was wrong. Yes, it's quite sexual (I read other novels by Murakami, seem like he likes sex a lot) but the sex they do doesn't seem to produce them pleasure. It felt like they became more distant, or realized their loneliness after such acts. I think this quote from the book explains it:

 “And it came to me then. That we were wonderful traveling companions but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal in their own separate orbits. From far off they look like beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they're nothing more than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we'd be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing.” 

After I finished reading it, I just put it back on the shelf, offering my rommie to read it. Few days after that, I moved back to my parents and quit work and transfer school (because of reasons, not because of the book or my messy rommie by the way...) I felt like I missed that book, so I went back to the apartment and searched for it, planning to buy it from the landlord, but can't find it. I asked my roomie if she still have it, but she's not the 'reader' type so she said she put it back to the shelf. Someone else from the flat might still be reading it, so I just left. A year after, I planned to steal that book! I can't find a copy on the bookstores! (and it's my first Murakami book... Kafka on the Shore sucks!) I'm desperate, I need it in my life! But still, someone didn't returned it, or already stole it before me!

I still regret not eloping with my first love. Not even an ebook or pdf file can fill up the longing in my heart. But somehow I hope it's in good hands now... someone who will fall in love with it the way I did.

Primordial Soups are not made with Chickens!

Welcome to my personal mind in public view!
I'm quite the polyglot so you might find me posting something more than just a single language here. Just random rantings- because that's what my mind always have.